We're nearing the midpoint of the year, and I'm feeling a tug to really hone in and be intentional in my day-to-day, to walk through the rest of 2014 and end it off with a bang.
There are a few areas of my heart and life that I know need to be dusted off and taken care of, or at least kept up a bit better than I've been maintaining of late:
This past year has been a rollercoaster: moving back to our hometown, figuring out how to live in close proximity to our entire families for the first time in our marriage, and maneuvering/praying for big, hard issues in the marriages around us. Because of all the yuck around us, I think our marriage has been more solid than ever before.
That's not to say our marriage is perfect. Obviously. Neither of us is the servant we're called to be to our spouse. We've been given a load of grace, and we need to be in a constant state of prayer and communication with one another to figure this whole marriage thing out.
For the first six months after moving back to our hometown, we lived with each of our parents. We moved into our own home in October, and it's still nowhere close to the space we want and need it to be. There are bigger renovations that need to be done, but are kind of on the back burner since we don't know how long we'll realistically be here and don't want to spend too much time or money on a home we might not even spend a year in -- and especially now that the year mark is closing in on us. But the little things, they need to be kept up better. Even the simplest cleaning schedule would work wonders on our home if we stuck to it. And we desperately need to get beautiful things on our walls. We've been waiting on electrical work, new windows, wall construction, and fresh paint, but we're tired of looking at the empty space, knowing we have things we love to fill it.
Since March, I've been working on reading my Bible, cover to cover. I went all the way through in university, studying history and writing exegeses for my degree, but I have only really picked out the books I wanted to read since then. And maybe we should get real transparent? I have been steering clear of the New Testament, because it's so much more convicting for me. I can't read it and then just look away from my own sin. My community group within the Influence Network was charged with reading Ephesians as many times as we can before we meet again mid-month, and I haven't touched it yet. I just know it's going to wreck me. Usually I'm up for that, but apparently I'm having trouble with it in these quiet moments.
The whole time thing is really the overarching issue, above all other things I'd love to work on in my life. I love to run, write, read, cook, and spend good time with my family, but I struggle with laziness. It's what I've always known, what I was taught. And I haven't pushed back against it. Working out of the house 40 hours a week for the first time in years, and having a husband who stays home most days is a big shift from our normal, and a complete about-face from where we want to be. It's not where we want to be ideally, but for a season, it's good. Until we get there, the things I love must be placed in and around the things I have to do. Even if all I want to do when I get home from work is plop myself on the couch, or to sleep in until the last possible second before I have to get dressed for work.
So here are a few small goals I'm setting for June, to make the big things happen:
- Speak wild hope into my husband.
- Set up a modest cleaning schedule & follow through.
- Spend some time really poring over Ephesians.
- Write down my want-to-do list & find the time.
- Eat at least three meals in community.