Spring hits late around here. The snow has pretty much all melted, our yards are dirty from the sand that's been pushed up into them off the streets, and the temperature comes up above freezing -- at least during the day.
The beginning months of 2014 were spent in rest mode, quietly soaking up time with my family & slowly getting around to things we’d put off out of busyness. Instead of figuring out how our year might ideally look, we were figuring out what to eat for supper. and it was good.
All too quickly, we’re flipping the calendar to another new month. The cobwebs have been swept away, both in my home and in my mind, and I’m ready to kick off this new season in a few different ways:
Create margin, but still fit things in if I’m called.
I started a new job in late January. It was unexpected and unstrived for, but I’m now out of the house Monday through Friday 8:30-5. This is a huge change from the stay at home mom I've been for the last year and a half, but I’m already really enjoying pursuing something on my own, without a toddler on my hip or raisins in my pockets. Having to rearrange life as I've known it into the hours around my new work schedule isn't easy, and there’s a lot of shuffling going on right now as we figure it all out.
White space will need to be carved out -- so will date nights with my husband and tickle fights with my daughter -- but I’m still very much committed to fitting in the things we’re called to, even if they don’t make sense on paper. Some weeks, making a trip across town for small group might not make sense if we already have to drive across town four times in one day to get two people to their respective jobs and one toddler to daycare. But we are called to be in this community, and they are our people. we’ll be there.
Despite what I say and even think much of the time, I do have dreams. I do come up with wild ideas and even follow up with thoughts and plans. The majority of the time, these wither and die before they've ever had a chance to come up out of the ground. Obviously not everything is going to work out. Sometimes my imagination runs a little too freely; plans that once seemed solid are seen in the light of day and I just have to shake my head and wonder how I come up with some things. Those dreams that could actually work out? I usually shove them to the side, making the excuse that it’s not the right time, or I’m not the right woman for the job. Starting is risky, but I live in a world where the tomb is empty and anything is possible.
See my worth.
I've never thought myself worthy of much. I don’t know what sparked it initially, but regardless of my smarts, my strengths or my size, I tend to think that I should always be thought of last, and definitely to a detriment. The thread that ties this year together, whether it ends up in a bow or a knot, will be the focus on my own worth. I’m worthy of a well-paid career. I’m worthy of starting the things God calls me to. I can receive His grace because I've been called worthy. I’m worthy of feeling good about my body; I can praise God for the momentum I've gained in the weight I've lost over the past few months, while continuing to work hard to see His temple restored.
Live on a diet of grace.
I can’t do it all, but I can try my best. I won’t fit everything in, but I will walk out my calling. You can come into my home for a meal and some worship, but don’t get ruffled if there are dishes in the sink. I want to give myself grace when I don’t get everything done -- because I can almost guarantee I won’t. And it is -- it will be -- good.
I think even more than the beginning of a new year, feeling the ground thaw and the green appear reminds me of fresh starts and the grace that got us here.
What things are you looking forward to, or changing, or keeping just the same this spring/summer?